the inner workings

so i'm addicted to etsy.com and they don't have a wish list thingy. my bday is coming up so i'm listing things i would enjoy for my family's sake. i swear i'm not trying to make you all buy me presents :D I miss you all! When are people in the area? I'll be in Newberg almost all of next week!
( Big pictures inside )

DAVID AND I ARE ENGAGED! we haven't set a date or anything, but I'm sooooo excited! Anyway, I miss you all. Sorry I don't post more. Oh yeah, and I graduated too!
Sarah

guess what! i graduate in 25 days!

So some of you may know about my interest in music, and people, and psychology. You may also know of how I'm hoping to squish all three of these together to form my livelihood at some point. Anyhow, I would like to do a little informal research/experiment. I'm thinking the longest commitment it would be would be through the end of the year, but it would be possible to finish in a little over a month if you were so motivated. You don't have to live near me for this to work and I think it could be really interesting. If you might want to help out, send me an email at alivewithanticipation@gmail.com and I'll give you more details to see if you want to participate. Yay! Nerdy music experiments! Anywho, I hope everyone's lives are going well. Talk to you soon?

so a week from this last tuesday is my 21st bday. its going to rock and i want to celebrate it with all of my friends. i know a lot of you are far away, but i still wish you could come :) on the 31st at 8 pm people can start arriving at my apartment to hang out and then at midnight, those who are awake and 21 will head to the bars. should be amusing. i'm in apartment 15 and if you need more info, just message me. i would love to see you all, don't worry about bringing anything, but i won't discourage it. the focus isn't really on drinking, even though i'm sure it will happen. i just like having a good excuse to invite every single person i know into my little apartment. :) i hope i can see so many of you.
sarah

so, i'm moving and cleaning out old stuff and i have a small tv, 2 vcrs(i think they both work...) and an ok dvd player that i don't need, there may be other things, but those are it for now, i'd love $5 or something for them, but whatever really. let me know if you want it anyone

EDIT: everything is taken thanks!

this weekend i went on a retreat with young adults from the friends yearly meeting. it was really amazing. it reminded me of the kind of community that i could have, somehow. it reminded me of so many other things, and it has challenged me to stop being so addicted to the computer and television. i'm tired of wasting my time. so, out of this, i am choosing to take a media fast. i'm allowing myself email, and other online stuff for school. so if you wish to contact me, alivewithanticipation@gmail.com is the only way online. i'll still be using my phone. no movies or television. i'm pretty excited. not only will this allow me more time to study, but it will also give me time alone with myself and with God. there are some pretty exciting leadings going on in my life right now, and i would be so excited to recieve His blessings on them.
for those of you that practice prayer, pray that i would trust myself. (can anyone tell i spent a weekend with like minded people? :), also we focused on calling, which is where a lot of this is coming from) i find when looking back over times when i felt a push in a certain direction, whether or not i had personal leadings that way or felt like God had spoken to me about it, i needed the affirmation of outside events and circumstances and people to believe it. i need to trust my personal experiences and learn again to discern in myself what is just wishful thinking and what is of Him.
one thing i loved about this weekend, was the constant reminder of God among us. He is omnipresent and quaker church or no, we learn the three omni-characteristics of God from a young age. i forget them all the time. especially omnipresence. the constant idea of God around us in every moment and place as well as in us. the air we breathe is permeated with God.
anyway, i'm sure i've said enough to last me a week anyway, so adios livejournal and the friends that accompany you, i'll be back in a week, if i feel like it. mwa

[ ] I have eaten more than 5 meals a day.
[1] I have read a lot of books.
[ ]I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[2? ] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[3] I have been to Canada.

[ ] I have been to Europe.
[4] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[5] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[ ] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[ 6] I have been snowboarding/skiing.

[7] I have played ping pong.
[8] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[9] I have seen fireworks.
[10] I have seen a shooting star.

[11] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned.
[] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[12] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again.
[ 13] I have had stitches.

[] I have been on the honor roll.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I've licked a frozen pole and got stuck there
[14] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects.
[15] I currently have a job.

[16]I have been ice skating.
[17]I have been rollerblading.
[ ] I have fallen flat on my face.
[18] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.

[19] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight.
[]I have watched the power rangers.
[20] I do attend Church regularly.
[21]I have played truth or dare.
[22] I have already had my 16th birthday.

[23] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[24] I've lost weight since one year ago.
[25] I've called someone stupid
[26] I've been in a verbal argument.
[27] I've cried in school.

[ 28] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[ ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.
[29] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a track team.
[30] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.

[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[31] I've climbed a rock wall.
[ ] I've lost more than $20.
[32] I've called myself an idiot
[33] I've called someone else an idiot.

[] I've owned a spice girls cd.
[] I've owned a Britney spears cd
[] I've owned an NSYNC cd.
[34] I've owned a Backstreet Boys cd.

[35] I've cried myself to sleep.
[36] I've had (or have) pets.
[] I've mooned someone.
[ ] I've sworn at someone in authority.

[37] I've been in the newspaper.
[] I've been on TV.
[38] I've been to Hawaii.
[39] I've eaten sushi.
[40] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.

[41] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[42] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[43] I've watched the 3 stooges.
[]I've watched "Newly weds" Nick & Jessica.
[44] I've watched Looney tunes

[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker.
[45] I've been called a geek
[46] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[47] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.

[48 ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[49] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hrs.
[] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[50] I've written poetry
[ ] I've been arrested

[51] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[52?] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[ ] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[53] I've had/have siblings.
[54 ] I've been to a rock concert.

[55] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[56] I've been in a play.
[] I've been picked last in gym class.
[ ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[57] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.

[58]I've cried in front of my friends
[?] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[59] I've played Halo 2.
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game

[ ] I've been to Alaska
[] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[] I've been to Japan.

[60] I've had a fight with someone on AIM/MSN/etc.
[61] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[62] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[63] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[64] I've been forgivein
[ ] I’ve screamed at a scary movie
[65] I've cried at a chick flick.
[66] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[67] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[68] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[69] I've driven on the highway
[70] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day

[71] I've been in a car accident
[72] I've been homesick.
[73] I've thrown up
[ ] I've puked all over someone.
[74] I've been horseback riding.

[] I've spoken my mind in public.
[76] I've proved someone wrong
[77] I've been proved wrong by someone.

[ ] I've broken a leg.
[ ] I've broken an arm.
[] I've fallen off a swing.
[79] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight.
[80] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.

[81] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[ ] I've lost my backpack.
[ ] I've come close to dying.
[] I've seen someone die.
[83] I've known someone who has died.
[84] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.

[85] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[86] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[87] i've realized how good my life is.
[88] I've counted my blessings.

[89] I've made fun of a classmate.
[90] I've slapped someone in the face.
[] I've been skateboarding.

[92] I've lied to someone to their face.
[93] I've told a little white lie.

[94] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[ 95] I've fainted
[] I've had an argument with someone about whether or not cheerleading is a sport.
[] I've lived in more than one state.
[ ] I've pushed someone into a pool
[ ] I've been pushed into a pool

i'm starting to get a headache from all the banging and loud noises. i'm becoming addicted to myspace, which i never would have expected, although now working a job where i sit here for hours, and have wireless internet, i guess it makes sense. i'm learning to love each day as it comes. to not focus too much on the future and what i hope comes with it. i still am very excited to be swept off my feet and be with that person that just gets me, and that i can give my entire being to. i'm really excited to graduate(although what lies in store for me right after graduation is a little scary.) and i'm excited for grad school. i'm definately stuck on the psychological studies institute in atlanta, GA but we'll see what happens in the next 3 years or so. there is so much that i'm excited for that i've been forgetting to pay attention to each day. i find myself on the couch or at the computer(at least right now i'm getting paid ) a lot and there are so much better things out there. schedules feel a little hectic right now, especially trying to coordinate times that i can go exploring eugene with someone other than just myself. but the term is almost over and next term should be cool....i think. i'm lovin the new job though. i'm very blessed and its time i start remembering and using those blessings.

well........today kinda sucks. i miss him. btw, dave, if you read this anymore, i swear i didn't mean to flake out on you on sat, but considering the email i got later, its probably a good thing right? anyway, its not so much the fact that i don't have a boyfriend that today sucks. its the feeling i'm getting of being ignored. its ignore sarah day. i kind of wish one of my friends and i had started a tradition of sending each other cards or something fun. then someone would think of me, well, that i knew of. i kind of was hoping for a date of some sort tonight, just to feel loved, or wanted, or something superficial like that. at this point it looks like i'll be in my recliner, with mimi, and some ice cream watching movies. alone. this break up is good. we couldn't have ever moved on from where we were and we were starting to take steps back. doesn't change the fact that i wish it could have worked and that i would be crossing my fingers for something romantic to pop out at any second right now. or even to just be there with him. each day that goes by i get a little more used to being alone, how long until it goes away? i'm trying so hard to heal healthily. not cover up my emotions or do stupid things to avoid dealing with them. ugh. its amazing how something so good is causing so much pain. i wish there was something i could do differently. change it all. the only thing i wouldn't change, is us being together. i wouldn't take it back for the world. oi. nothing is the same.

i feel like someone has torn through me, messing up my entire being. i feel like my apartment, and no matter how i try, i can't seem to get it clean. either one really. there is just stuff everywhere and i when i pick something up, theres always three more things on the floor. to be more accurate for my apartment, its way more than three and it just feels that overwhelming all over. i think i need to quit

sometimes God knows just when to send a downpour for me to take a walk in.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In February I helped daffodilldreams across the street (6 points). Last Sunday I set peronality's puppy on fire (-66 points). In June I pulled blaze2242's hair (-5 points). In October I stole ashlandsou's purse (-30 points). In July I pushed elgranderudeboy in the mud (-17 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-112 points). For Christmas I deserve a spanking! Sincerely, foreverhis3

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

hehehe.

well sort of. during thanksgiving i caught one of those cold/flu things and the cough is still with me. and my speaking voice sounds a little funny. if i was still a voice major, i'd be so stressed out right now. oh so grateful that i found my mind again. last night about 2 am i thought i'd still be working on this paper for my shakespeare class right now, but somehow i finished it and hour and a half early. pretty good for me. last actual class of the term in 30 min and i'm so excited.this term has seemed like a pretty big joke. at least i'm closer to having my gen eds. taken care of. just a bunch of psych stuff to go. well, and a year of physics. ugh. i hope it works better than this term's physics of sound and music. the same prof teaches regular physics winter term, but hopefully the other two terms will be good...
i'm trying to quit borders. pretty desperately. once all of this finals crap is out of the way, i'm going to sit down and figure out a budget and see if i can survive on beall hall money. as of tomorrow, i am the employee that has been working in the cafe the longest(other than the supervisor). which is only 6 months! i just want out.
i've decided that i hate how messy i am. that it is ridiculous and that it really should change. so my goal for christmas break is to get my apartment really clean, and keep it that way. any of you neater folk have any tips for me? i'm really bad at this. i have clutter everywhere, and mimi doesn't help. she likes to drag random items around the apartment. when i live with other people at least i confine the mess to my room. now its taken over my whole apartment and its just not something that i want to be. being neat has to be something you can learn to do right?
oh- i don't know how much i'll be up during the break, since while employed at borders i am not allowed to request any days off between december 18(i think) and january 18th. so....who wants to carpool down here to have a little get together? i would love to have ya'll down to see my place and my kitten and ME! but i will be up as much as possible. ideally i would work for borders until the 23rd and then i would come up for a week straight and then back down to eugene for the last week of break.

well, um, i think thats really about all for now. sorry i don't say much anymore. loves!

i'm feeling sick and irked and annoyed. so in an attempt to avoid thinking about my coughing or my papers that are due, I'm going to think about what i'm thankful for.
-dave
-almost the end of this stupid term!
-my family
-good friends since high school(and before)
-a few good college friends
-mimi :)
-my own space
-christmas break!
-better financial aid
-eugene friends
-clyde parker
-crossing my fingers for snow?
-rent(not the one i actually ahve to pay.)
okay well thats all i've got so far. not bad for being in a pissy mood. adios. hope everyone is doing well. oh and i'm trying to figure out how to afford quitting borders and if i do, i'll have the 2 weeks after christmas off probably to come home for some of it. yay!

well, i no longer have wisdom teeth. i look like a chipmunk. luckily my throat doesn't hurt anymore, i guess there are nerves connected to your wisdom teeth that make you think your throat hurts, and that part has healed. i'm still in newberg and will be for a few more days so feel free to come by and see me, i may not be fun though. once i heal enough to be able to leave or to even be able to drive i'll be pursuing hanging out with people more actively but right now all i really care about is drugs. it's definately nice to have my mom doting on me though :)

so i'm just curious, i've been saying i was going to get a set together to sing at coffee houses forever, but i may actually be able to do it this year, a little more time, a little less music school(well pretty much no music school) and not near as much work. so question: any suggestions for songs i should do? i don't have enough stuff ready now, so i need to find some new stuff to sing. just wondering what you guys think would sound cool for me to sing. maybe i'll even try to come up and sing at the cottage or something :) i hope everyone is doing well. i'm coming home on tues night to get my wisdom teeth on on wed, so if anyone wants to hang out i'll be home for almost a week! and with my kitten :)
breathing.

is there room in this community for someone like me? this town is a hippie town full of things i agree with. friendliness and especially pacifism. but in all the woe\rds and themes, where is the true acceptance that i expected. the majority of people that i meet, i'm afraid to tell that i'm a Christian. they scoff of say "why!" sure, they've known Christians that hurt them or were hypocrites, but show me someone who has not been hurtful or hypocritical.
i'm afraid to pursue and re-become active in my faith. what if it changes me and i become too "churchy" for my friends. i'll still be me. i'll still be accepting and loving and hopefully fun. will i lose the ones i love/ the question that haunts me even more: will God ask me to step back from those i love.

this is such a time of searching and growing or me. i have no where to go to try to reaquaint myself with the beliefs i have hiding inside of me. i'm so afraid of being more shunned than i already have been.

1. Go here.
2. Pass it on.
( my answers )

So i got my kitten today! She's about 12 weeks old, and adorable. I love her so much already. i don't know what to name her, but at this moment i'm leaning towards Mimi, but i really don't know. i don't know how the lj picture album thing works yet, so heres the link for it with pictures :) http://pics.livejournal.com/foreverhis3/gallery/00003xz8 so exciting!